109 things I trust more than Hillary Clinton

A rattlesnake with a “pet me” sign

Monica Lewinski

OJ Simpson showing me his knife collection

A fart when I have diarrhea

An elevator ride with Ray Rice

Michael Jackson’s Doctor

An Obama Nuclear deal with Iran

Gas station Sushi

A Jimmy Carter economic plan

Brian Williams news reports

Loch Ness monster sightings

Prayers for peace from Al Sharpton

A Palestinian in Isreal with a backpack on a motorcycle

Rosie O showing restraint at an all-you-can-eat buffet

Winning the Nigerian lottery

Mexican building codes

A big foot sighting

Bill Clinton claiming he’s a virgin

Ebola

Pete Carroll coaching decisions

A condom made in China

Prostitutes in Thailand

Lucas Electric

The IRS

A styrofoam gas can

That prophylactic you kept in your wallet for three years in high school, ‘just in case’.

Used car salesman

The boat captain who says, “Just for the heck of it, let’s all slip into a life preserver.”

Walking through fire wearing gasoline soaked clothes.

Taking a bubble bath with a cobra.

Joe Biden with his arm around me.

Michael Moore with the doughnuts!

Bernie Madoff with my money

A blind date with a woman named Caitlyn

A guide muttering “This could be bad. The sun is setting in the east.”

The government when it says a tax will be temporary

A panhandler wearing a Rolex

Picking up a hitchhiker in a hockey mask.

Duggar birth control plan

North Korean media

Lois Lerner’s honest face.

Taylor Swift’s next relationship working out…

…or the one after that.

Jon Stewart as a factual journalist

The NSA

John Kerry’s war record.

Greece repaying all its debts in full.

Malaysian Airlines pilots.

Barack Obama saying, “If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor.”

A drunk bomb disposal technician.

Nuclear hand grenades

ISIS tour guide for Christians

FDA approved “Pink Slime“

Sen. Dianne Feinstein teaching gun safety

Sen. Charlie Rangel teaching an ethics class

Hollywood wedding vows

Obama’s Birth Certificate

Kool Aid at a Jim Jones party

The IRS agent who says, “I’m here to help you”

A pack of wild dogs when I am wearing bacon underwear

Jerry Sandusky as a Boy Scout troop leader

Michael Jackson babysitting my kids

A wolf when he say’s he does not even know my grandma

Eating an apple from an orchard at Fukushima reactor #4

Asking Michell Obama to hold my cheesy nachos for a second

Congress to control spending

An ice cream truck full of kids

The dentist when he says “you will only feel a tiny bit of momentary discomfort”

An ex who says, “We can still be friends!”

A mosquito at Magic Johnson’s barbecue

A Tele-Evangelist with grandma’s checkbook

El Chapo’s prison guards

Mr. Krabs with my money

My cat with a plate of Tuna noodle salad

The average politician

Rachel Dolezal saying ‘I identify as black’

Cafeteria food

A dating website profile picture

A wolf in the chicken coop

Spray on hair

Osama Bin Laden flying an American plane

Astrology-based mutual funds

Discount botox injection

Swimming with great white sharks

That thing on the Donald’s head

A $12 Rolex from a street vendor in New York City

Paris Hilton proofreading a college thesis

Cubs winning the World Series

Anthony Weiner with a free data plan

Drug dealers

Having Jared from Subway put Mayo on your sub

Playing Russian Roulette with a semi-auto pistol

The Heimlich Maneuver from Barney Frank

A prostate exam from Captain Hook

Identity thieves with my wallet

Homemade seaweed beer

Will Ritson (1808–1890)

My Grandma to run my email server

The main stream media

Miley Cyrus to teach my children to dance

The guy that installs turn signals at the BMW plant

The quality control guy at the Lucus Electric factory

Ashley Madison’s security team

Kim Jong-Il’s official biography

A small unidentifiable speedboat coming toward you off the coast of Somalia

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