A rattlesnake with a “pet me” sign
OJ Simpson showing me his knife collection
A fart when I have diarrhea
An elevator ride with Ray Rice
Michael Jackson’s Doctor
An Obama Nuclear deal with Iran
Gas station Sushi
A Jimmy Carter economic plan
Brian Williams news reports
Loch Ness monster sightings
Prayers for peace from Al Sharpton
A Palestinian in Isreal with a backpack on a motorcycle
Rosie O showing restraint at an all-you-can-eat buffet
Winning the Nigerian lottery
Mexican building codes
A big foot sighting
Bill Clinton claiming he’s a virgin
Pete Carroll coaching decisions
A condom made in China
Prostitutes in Thailand
A styrofoam gas can
That prophylactic you kept in your wallet for three years in high school, ‘just in case’.
Used car salesman
The boat captain who says, “Just for the heck of it, let’s all slip into a life preserver.”
Walking through fire wearing gasoline soaked clothes.
Taking a bubble bath with a cobra.
Joe Biden with his arm around me.
Michael Moore with the doughnuts!
Bernie Madoff with my money
A blind date with a woman named Caitlyn
A guide muttering “This could be bad. The sun is setting in the east.”
The government when it says a tax will be temporary
A panhandler wearing a Rolex
Picking up a hitchhiker in a hockey mask.
Duggar birth control plan
North Korean media
Lois Lerner’s honest face.
Taylor Swift’s next relationship working out…
…or the one after that.
Jon Stewart as a factual journalist
John Kerry’s war record.
Greece repaying all its debts in full.
Malaysian Airlines pilots.
Barack Obama saying, “If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor.”
A drunk bomb disposal technician.
Nuclear hand grenades
ISIS tour guide for Christians
FDA approved “Pink Slime“
Sen. Dianne Feinstein teaching gun safety
Sen. Charlie Rangel teaching an ethics class
Hollywood wedding vows
Obama’s Birth Certificate
Kool Aid at a Jim Jones party
The IRS agent who says, “I’m here to help you”
A pack of wild dogs when I am wearing bacon underwear
Jerry Sandusky as a Boy Scout troop leader
Michael Jackson babysitting my kids
A wolf when he say’s he does not even know my grandma
Eating an apple from an orchard at Fukushima reactor #4
Asking Michell Obama to hold my cheesy nachos for a second
Congress to control spending
An ice cream truck full of kids
The dentist when he says “you will only feel a tiny bit of momentary discomfort”
An ex who says, “We can still be friends!”
A mosquito at Magic Johnson’s barbecue
A Tele-Evangelist with grandma’s checkbook
El Chapo’s prison guards
Mr. Krabs with my money
My cat with a plate of Tuna noodle salad
The average politician
Rachel Dolezal saying ‘I identify as black’
A dating website profile picture
A wolf in the chicken coop
Spray on hair
Osama Bin Laden flying an American plane
Astrology-based mutual funds
Discount botox injection
Swimming with great white sharks
That thing on the Donald’s head
A $12 Rolex from a street vendor in New York City
Paris Hilton proofreading a college thesis
Cubs winning the World Series
Anthony Weiner with a free data plan
Having Jared from Subway put Mayo on your sub
Playing Russian Roulette with a semi-auto pistol
The Heimlich Maneuver from Barney Frank
A prostate exam from Captain Hook
Identity thieves with my wallet
Homemade seaweed beer
My Grandma to run my email server
The main stream media
Miley Cyrus to teach my children to dance
The guy that installs turn signals at the BMW plant
The quality control guy at the Lucus Electric factory
Ashley Madison’s security team
Kim Jong-Il’s official biography
A small unidentifiable speedboat coming toward you off the coast of Somalia