Tag Archives: satire

A Short Primer on the Hierarchy of Identity Politics

Satire By Jim O’Neill
The other day I decided to rank the hierarchy of liberal victimhood and it turned out to be a thornier process than I thought it would be.
It is common knowledge that male privilege and white privilege automatically places white males at the bottom of the identity politics pile.  It stands to reason that, simply by default, black females must be at the top of the heap.  So, simple enough – black females are at the apex of the identity politics pyramid.
But then I read an article that threw that simple answer into question.  The article claimed that people of average or below average intelligence are victims of “cognitive privilege.”  That is, people of average or lower intelligence are victimized by people who are smarter.  This new insight meant that I had to go back to the drawing board and rethink my whole victimhood paradigm.
There are many kinds of privilege besides white privilege: cognitive privilege, for example. We now know that intelligence is not something we have significant control over but is something we are born with. We are living in a society in which success is increasingly linked to one’s intelligence. …Thus, the accident of having been born smart enough to be able to be successful is a great benefit that you did absolutely nothing to earn.
Dan Williams, quoted in “Check your ‘cognitive privilege,’ all you smart people!” by Thomas Lifson
Personally, I believe that wisdom is much more important than intelligence, but we won’t go there just now.  To return to the topic at hand — if smart is bad, then ipso facto dumb is good. If given the choice between a smart black woman and a dumb black woman, the dumb black woman is obviously the more aggrieved party, the greater victim, and therefore beats out the smart black woman in the race to the top of the victimhood pyramid.  So, new winner – dumb black women.
Not so fast – what about transgender men.  Shouldn’t their victimhood supersede woman chauvinistically flaunting female gender privilege?  Of course it should.  So, the winner of the identity politics battle is not stupid black women, but stupid black men who want to be stupid black women.  It’s a no-brainer really.
But that begs the question — what about stupid black women who want to be stupid black men?  Now there’s a conundrum for you.
Who is at the apex, the pinnacle of liberal identity politics, the summum bonum of victimhood – stupid black men who want to be stupid black women, or stupid black women who want to be stupid black men?  I believe the jury is still out on that one.
I hope this short primer has helped to clarify things.  I hesitate to mention this, but there are more contenders than I have mentioned vying for the crown of “Biggest Loser in Identity Politics.”  I honestly don’t know how liberals keep track of all of their victims.  Kind of impressive in its own weird way.

Rio and the Joys of Multiculturalism and Identity Politics

By Jim O’Neill

I recently read about how early-arriving Olympic contestants in Brazil are complaining about the condition of the waters they train by and in – oil slicks, the odd body part, mosquitoes, “superbugs” and such – picky, picky, picky. It struck me how opposed to the spirit of multiculturalism such provincial and benighted attitudes are — how xenophobic, how paternalistic, how…white.
Which led me to think about Kanye West’s recent request that “Rolling Stone,” “The New York Times,” and other “white” publications stop commenting on black music. Right on Kanye!

In fact, I think that white people should stop playing “black” music altogether – which means no more rap for whitey (sigh). But what’s good for the goose is good for the gander, and blacks should be required to give up white musical innovations in turn.

Innovations such as musical notation. Musical instruments invented by whites – they would have to go too: saxophones, trombones, pianos, electric guitars…well, you get the idea. I suppose blacks get to keep hollow logs, steel drums, and bongos though — damn.

Who knows how liberals come up with wonderful ideas like Multiculturalism and Identity Politics, but I say it’s high time that we all embrace them! So stop your whining, Olympic athletes, and white folks be prepared to listen to musical drivel like Tchaikovsky’s “1812 Overture” while blacks get to groove to da funk. No one ever said life was fair.

Oh oh, I said “groove to da funk” – being white I can’t co-opt black language. Speaking of which, “black language” and Ebonics are derivatives of English, which is indisputably white – which in all fairness means that blacks can’t use “black language” or Ebonics. Only a truly black language will do – Swahili perhaps. Sure, that’s it – whites will speak English and blacks will speak Swahili…and Hispanics will speak Spanish. How did we ever get along without Identity Politics? Geeze, just think of the possibilities.