By Jim O’Neill
Given the current state of our culture it is sometimes impossible to tell the difference between real news, fake news, and satire, so for the sake of clarity let me spell it out – the brief article that follows is SATIRE.
Satire: The use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer) is so last year. LGGBDTTTIQQAAP is where it’s at these days! (Lesbian, Gay, Genderqueer, Bisexual, Demisexual, Transgender, Transsexual, Twospirit, Intersex, Queer, Questioning, Asexual, Allies, Pansexual, Polyamorous). That is the new inclusive acronym designed in an effort to enlighten benighted Canadian school children. But hey, it’s all about diversity and inclusion, right — so I say why stop there?
The Canadian(s) who came up with the new and improved LGBTQ list are, of course, to be commended for the effort, but in the interest of expanding and glorifying diversity and inclusion I have taken the liberty of adding a few more (sadly ignored) names to the truncated list of identity groups. To wit:
- M: Multiple Sexual Identities. The more the merrier!
- S: Space Alien. Let’s not be xenophobic and parochial – tentacle sex anyone? Free anal probe?
- I: Incestual – straight, queer, whatever. Keep it in the family.
- T: Trisexual — e.g. straight, gay, or asexual, depending on time of day and mood.
- B: Bestiality – things are headed that way in any event, right?
- U: Unicorn – for those who believe they are a unicorn…or are waiting on surgery to become a unicorn.
- D: Demonics – those who wish to get it on with Beelzebub or whatever…or believe that they are Beelzebub or whatever. Or are waiting on surgery to become Beelzebub or whatever.
Let’s Hear It For LGGBDTTTIQQAAPMSITBUD! You get the idea – the sky’s the limit! Feel free to add whatever sexual identity speaks to you. Which reminds me – add “H” to the list, for those who hear voices telling them what sexual identity to choose.